A Brief Theology of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a transaction that is necessary for our salvation. God’s forgiveness of us is the basis of our forgiveness of others. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is based on forgiveness. The way God forgives us is the pattern for all forgiveness. When Christ died on the cross, he exemplified the ultimate offer of forgiveness. Though He was not at that point actually forgiving all people, He was paving the way for all to be forgiven. Many will say that forgiveness is the automatic pardoning of anyone who has done wrong; however, Christ’s sacrifice on the cross would be worthless if forgiveness is free. If forgiveness is an automatic response to a wrong, then would God not forgive freely all who have sinned? May it never be. Though God does not desire anyone to go to Hell, He cannot and does not freely pardon all sin. This is not the way He forgives. God commands us to forgive. The fact is that we are to forgive just as God has forgiven us. Paul says “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”[1] If we are to forgive in the same way that God forgives us, then we need to carefully study what God’s forgiveness looks like. In light of these facts, let us examine the meaning of forgiveness.
Definition
According to Dr. Lynn Ponton, “Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment.” She would further say that “forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.”[2] While Dr. Ponton makes a good point that forgiveness involves “letting go” of something, she errs when she places a strong distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation. Matthew 18 tells the story of the unmerciful servant. In this story we learn that forgiveness is the act of releasing someone from a debt or a wrong committed. It removes the account from the record books. Once forgiveness has taken place, the incident can no longer be remembered. It will not be brought up again. In this parable though, there is a sense of something more than just a debt forgiven. There is a restoration of a relationship. There is peace. This is a part of forgiveness. Without reconciliation, forgiveness has not truly taken place.
Reconciliation was part of forgiveness in the mind of Christ. He says, “if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”[3] This seems a little strange that you would leave your sacrifice at the altar. You would think that it would be fine if you offered the sacrifice and then went to reconcile with your brother. This is not what Christ says. In fact, His command is even more astonishing than meets the eye. At this time in history, and specifically in Israel, the most common form of transportation was walking. There was the option of riding a donkey or a camel, but most likely, you would walk wherever you needed to go. In this case, you had probably travelled several days journey to get to Jerusalem so that you could offer your sacrifice. This journey was only made three times in a year. But, even though it is such a long journey, Christ says to leave the sacrifice at the altar and go. They did not have the option of picking up their cell phone and calling their friend to ask for forgiveness. They had to travel—possibly several days journey. This command is a serious command in the eyes of our Lord. And it involves more than just releasing someone from an offense. It involves reconciling the relationship. When speaking of God’s forgiveness in the atonement, Erickson notes, “As important as it is for humans to turn to God, the process of reconciliation primarily involves God’s turning in favor toward them.”[4] Reconciliation, though both parties are involved, is primarily offered by the party doing the forgiving.
Forgiveness has another aspect to it that we have yet to discuss. Forgiveness is a transaction. This means that forgiveness does not happen automatically. Something must be done on the part of both parties involved in order for forgiveness to take place. Ryrie, speaking of the dual role in reconciliation at salvation, says
Man is the object of reconciliation. Yet there remains a sense in which, after man has received personally the reconciliation, both parties, man and God, may be said to be reconciled in that they have come together. Still the grievance against man and the initiative to effect a change were God’s; He acted on man to reconcile him to Himself….Faith actually brings that reconciliation in the individual’s life and changes the position of the individual from unsaved to saved. Then, and only then, are his sins forgiven.[5]
Basically, if we don’t ask for forgiveness, thereby showing our faith and repentance, then we are not forgiven. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”[6] Both parties are involved in the transaction that takes place in forgiveness. The one party holds out forgiveness with open hands, but the other party must take what is offered—by asking for and accepting the forgiveness. We will discuss this further when examining the arguments against this idea.
Opposing Views
Ken Sande brings up some common ideas that seem to be worthy of addressing.[7] Some would say that forgiveness is a feeling that you have toward someone who has wronged you. You no longer have a feeling of animosity toward them. You feel different, and so you have forgiven them. Though feelings may change, a change in feelings alone does not constitute forgiveness. Forgiveness is an action. It is a willful decision to act and think a certain way about the person who has wronged you.
Another common idea is that forgiveness is forgetting. Many will say that if you don’t forget what the person has done to wrong you, you have not forgiven them. If this were true, then it would be impossible for God to forgive. God cannot forget anything. He is all-knowing. He can, however, choose not to remember something. He can make a conscious decision never to bring that action up again or ever hold us accountable for it. This is what forgiveness means for us. We make a willful decision not to remember the offense.
Excusing the offense is a common misinterpretation of forgiveness. When someone says “I’m sorry,” we often respond with “It’s ok.” Sin is never “ok.” When we sinned against God, he did not say “It’s ok.” He sent His Son to die so that forgiveness and reconciliation could take place. It was not and is not a free ride. “When Christians forgive, they promise that the matter will no longer stand between them and the repentant party. This, however, does not mean there are no consequences.”[8] Forgiveness does not annul punishment. It allows for payment to be made by someone else and a relationship to be restored.
Some would say that forgiveness is an automatic response to a wrong and that the only party responsible in the process of forgiveness is the party who was wronged. We see this philosophy commonly applied in our world today. When the Columbine shootings took place, it was only a matter of hours before banners were hung that said things like, “We forgive you” and “We don’t hold this against you” and “We understand.” Similar things happened at the Oklahoma City bombings and many other catastrophic events. The philosophy that we should automatically forgive is pervasive. “Christian forgiveness is a commitment to the repentant. It is not automatic. Christians are to forgive others as God forgave them. God’s forgiveness is conditional. To be sure, God offers grace to all people, but he forgives only those who repent and believe.”[9] Some point to two specific passages of scripture to deny this fact—Luke 23:33-34 and Acts 7:60. The first passage is Christ’s prayer to forgive those who crucified Him while He was still on the cross. They would say that this is proof that forgiveness can happen without the offending party being repentant or even asking. Upon careful examination, however, we find that Christ did not actually forgive the offenders at that point but merely prayed that they would be forgiven. Minutes earlier Christ granted forgiveness to a thief on the cross next to him. We know from many other instances that Christ did indeed have the authority to forgive sinners. In this case, He did not forgive. The second passage is almost exactly the same. Stephen prayed that God would forgive those who were killing him. He did not, however, forgive them.
What if the offending party says he repents but does not seem repentant? Do we still forgive? Christ has something to say about this. He says that “If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.”[10] Christ is saying that if someone says he is repentant, we must forgive. Seven times in a day seems like a lot to forgive someone for the same offense. In fact, we would likely question the sincerity of someone who committed the same offense seven times in one day each time claiming repentance. The disciples understood that this is exactly what Christ was getting at. They asked Christ to give them more faith to obey this command. They understood that Christ was saying that if someone asks for forgiveness, whether they mean it or not, forgiveness is not an option. We must forgive.
The final idea we will examine in reference to the definition of forgiveness is the concept that forgiveness and reconciliation are mutually exclusive events. Chris Brauns illustrates forgiveness this way: “Christians are called to offer a present to those who have hurt them. This package should be wrapped and tied with ribbon, with a tag addressed, ‘To you, regardless of what you’ve done.’ Forgiveness is what is found inside if the offender chooses to open the package.”[11] It is in this context that he very concisely deals with the argument that forgiveness and reconciliation are exclusive:
Forgiveness is inextricably linked to reconciliation. When God forgives, he not only pardons sinners from guilt. He also begins a new relationship with them. The Bible never speaks of God’s forgiveness apart from reconciliation.
The assumption today seems to be that you can forgive someone but not be reconciled to them. This would be like leaving the gift on their doorstep, ringing the bell, and driving away, never to return. But remember our foundational principle: we are to forgive others as God forgave us. And God never forgives anyone without being reconciled to them.[12]
Now that we have discussed what forgiveness means and what it does not mean, we need to solidify a working definition for forgiveness. Forgiveness is the willful act on the part of the offended party to seek reconciliation by choosing not to remember the offense or ever bring it up again to hold it against the person who has asked for forgiveness, even though it does not remove the offending party from all consequences.
Application
“Matthew 18:23-35 is a graphic parable…that makes the Christian’s obligation to forgive plain. We are indebted to God—not the debt that Christ paid for us but—to forgive others, sharing with them the joys of the same sort of forgiveness that we have experienced.”[13] This parable will be a large part of our final discussion of forgiveness.
In the beginning of this parable, there is a seemingly repentant servant who begs for mercy at the feet of his master. The master shows mercy and forgives him the enormous debt that he owes. The servant then goes out and finds a fellow servant who owes him a relatively small amount and demands it upon pain of prison. When the servant can’t pay, he begs for mercy in the same manner that the first servant did at the beginning of the story. The servant, however, would not show mercy as his master had shown on him and had his fellow servant thrown in prison. When the master got wind of this monstrosity, he dragged the unmerciful servant before him and reminded him of what had been forgiven him. We are often in the same scenario as this unmerciful servant. We have been forgiven an immeasurable debt, and people around us beg forgiveness of us for the insignificant (only in comparison to the debt we owed) wrongs they commit against us. Our own foolish pride often keeps us from desiring to forgive others. We want them to suffer for the wrongs they have done. How is it that we can fight against this pride?
The foremost way that we fight against the temptation not to forgive is the same reason that the master in the parable gave to his servant—remember the debt you were forgiven. In our case, a daily focus on the Gospel of Jesus Christ, specifically the debt that was paid on our behalf without it being earned at all on our part, will be our primary source of aid. “Preaching the gospel to myself every day mounts a powerful assault against my pride and serves to establish humility in its place. Nothing suffocates my pride more than daily reminders regarding the glory of my God, the gravity of my sins, and the crucifixion of God’s own Son in my place.” [14]
Conclusion
Forgiveness, though not easy, is something we all must do. Romans 12 speaks directly to the reason behind forgiveness. “We pursue peace with others because God first reconciled us to Himself. Just as God, through the cross, made vertical peace between Himself and us, so He calls his sons and daughters to make horizontal peace with others. God’s ‘verse 1 mercy’ propels our ‘verse 18 peacemaking.’ The gospel drives our efforts.”[15] The gospel gives us power. The gospel enables us to forgive.
[1] Ephesians 4:32
[2] Lynn Ponton, “What is Forgiveness?” psychcentral.com, http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-forgiveness/ (accessed November 1, 2009).
Time.com named psychcentral.com as one of the top 50 websites of 2008 because of its reliable content. It is apparent that the views held by those in affiliation with this website are considered generally trustworthy views by influential organizations of our world today.
[3] Matthew 5:23-24
[4] Millard Erickson, Christian Theology, 2nd ed. (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1998), 832-33.
[5] Charles Ryrie, Basic Theology (Chicago: Moody, 1999), 338.
[6] 1 John 1:9
[7] Ken Sande, The Peace Maker (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2004), 206-7.
[8] Chris Brauns, Unpacking Forgiveness (Wheaton, Il: Crossway Books, 2008), 58.
[9] Ibid., 57.
[10] Luke 17:3-4
[11] Brauns, Unpacking Forgiveness, 58.
[12] Ibid.
[13] Jay Adams, A Theology of Christian Counseling (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979), 184.
[14] Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2008), 27-28.
[15] Robert Jones, “Resolving Conflict Christ’s Way,” Journal of Biblical Counseling 19, no. 1 (Fall 2000): 13.
Tags: Forgiveness, Peace, Reconciliation